Dear Dad...

I wonder what it's like where you are now. It must be close by because you still visit me. Last time you stopped by, you were youthful and carefree and happy. After we parted ways, I thought about you all that day and it comforted me. Now when I think of you, I only recall all of the positive memories and I cherish the traits you passed along to me, the learnings and the values. 

Last night before I slept, I had hoped you would visit me at 415 am, the same time I held your hand and said a last goodbye to your ears as you passed out of this human state, four years ago on May 27, 2010. I shall await a more spontaneous visit soon!

Dusted off the keyboard

I dusted off the keyboard. I need to find the keys because I've got a few things to say. I have no one to say these thing to but I can say it to the keyboard.

What do I want to say? Hmmm. Well. How about, "Where have these few years gone?" Those years when my keyboard and I were companions. I pondered and good 'ole keys facilitated my meanderings. I am happy to say, my old friend did not go any where. But this me, collected more material to consider.

I am starting again. I have topics. They might be: the almighty iPad, fixing things, buffets, botox, fatigue, adult children, lingerie, rants, breathing, pollen, m&m's, cooking and maybe eyebrows.

Stay tuned.

Is 40 the new 20??

Ponder this: is 40 the new 20???

I have friends and family who have hit the 40 birthday marker, or beyond, and they have: kids in primary school (kindie to grade 3), brand new sports cars or partners that are more than 10 years younger than themselves. They are healthy, uninhibited, experienced, fearless, adventurous and wise. And....they look great. Their skin glows. Their bodies are beautiful. Their hair is radiant. And they laugh things off! Nope, they are not at all 'old', but they are sure not 20 either!!

When I was 20ish, I lived in an apartment with a guy I barely knew, had car posters on the livingroom walls, drank an excess of Extra Old Stock beer, ate McDonalds as a regular treat (sick!!), drove really fast in my Grand Prix, slept in every weekend and barely called my parents.

Now that I have mastered 40, I have a mortgage and a 16 year old daughter who I orbit, have a Van Gogh replica and family photos on my walls, I drink pomegranate juice for the anti-oxidants, eat 90% optimal health foods, have my dad's Toyota Camry and his veteran plates, get up at 5 am and I call my mom every day at least once (and pray to my dad many times a day).

I enjoyed being 20, particularly because of the lack of responsibilities. However, I really enjoy being in the forty club. My life has more meaning and I have more options.

I still like Led Zeppelin, purple nailpolish, jeans, muscle cars, cats, boots, sunsets, full moons and summer. Some things never change.

How do you feel about 40??? What's the same? What's different?

No, 40 is NOT the new 20.

Saving Summer

Summer. It's the best season of the year up here in the cold north of Canada. I got up one morning and winter was gone, spring had passed and it was summer. I was off work. I was free. But I was forced to stay indoors because it was so chilly. I had turned the fireplace pilot off. What was I to do???

I went to the Okanagan where it was hot. Warm nights and sweltering days alongside the lake on the beach or in the lake. Staying cool was only done through the ongoing drip from a Miller Chill Lime. Refreshing.

Upon return to Victoria, finally summer revealed itself on the West Coast. It is now warm just as I return to the 10 hour days of my workplace. The school. The land of never ending.

How will I escape at a reasonable enough time to get outside every day in the sunshine to walk or hike? I must make it happen. Savour summer's last days.

Help me save summer.

On the Lookout for Daisies

My daughter and I went for a lovely drive around Mychosin on Friday evening. The goal was to just be out and about to take in the evening's gentle bliss. After looking around we noticed there we daisy patches everywhere.

Daisies are so elegant. They stand straight up on a thin stem with featherly white petals extending from a bright yellow center. How dainty is the daisy.

As we drove, we saw them, in droves. Excitement abounded. We wanted to pick some daisies. Dare we pick daisies from the side of the road. Others needed to see them too. We tucked into a hidden road where we found a small patch; we plucked up about 6 of them. Just enough to savour in a vase.

Our drive had purpose. Our mission was accomplished. Daisies prevailed!

Getting to Zen

After attending Dr. Dan Siegal's two day talk on his Mindsight book, I have been more aware that I need to become more aware.

Mindsight is based on the premise that there is is a state of integration that occurs with the convergence of the mind, brain and relationships. With the conciliance of various disciplines, he has forged new pathways in an area called interpersonal neurobiology, a fascinating look at the mind, brain and relationships and how the three are inextricably linked.

When an individual is mindful, s/he is better able to live life and be tuned in to relationships and experiences.

As I have been discovering, the default state in the busy-ness of everyday life is not be be calm and mindful and thus proactive, but rather the frenetic pace leads to carelessness and thoughtlessness which in turn brings on reactive responses.

Between stimulus and response, we each have the freedom to choose our responses and our response time. Being automatic leads to reactivity. Conversely, a state of mindfulness leads to proactive responses that are guided by clarity, calm and care.

Getting to the quiet, stillness of one's mind regularly allows for the mindfulness to emerge with greater ease. The key is to learn how to arrive at a mindful state. To find out more, visit Dr. Dan Siegal's website and go to the audio page for a mindfulness session: http://drdansiegel.com/home/

Spinning through Life

Meandering through life is quite like a circling top. Sometime it spins, humming musically along for a long and lovely time. Other times, the spinning top bumps into an obstacle and gets jolted into a new direction. Generally, a new course finds its own way and allows for more spinning.

Every once in awhile a top gets stuck, spinning in that very same spot, endlessly, almost enough to get dizzy and then nauseous. And other times, the top just topples over, needing to be restarted or fixed.

In life, when your top topples over, it is notably time for a change. It's important to remember that change is sometimes as good as a rest. We need change because some habits that we have comfortably nestled into may not be quite productive, or worse, may be harmful to our motion and momentum.

We must embrace change when it confronts us. Move forward. Fear not. Be brave. Go gently into the new spin. There is so much to see and do out there, in life. Your life. Spin happily.

Pipe Dreams

My dreams are often so lucid, I cannot detect the difference from reality when I awaken. I wake up feeling my feelings from the dream. Depending on the dream, the feelings vary.

Last night, before bed, I watched the movie Game Plan with Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson. So, I dreamt of Dwayne. Of course, I woke up feeling like a million bucks. Why? Because Dwayne was cutting up wood in my back yard. My back yard. Dwayne. Did I mention his arms are like solid steel pipes; strong, smooth and protective. My back yard. Dwayne. Cutting wood. I was elated all day.

Thinking of renting that Vin Diesal movie tonight.

Sweet 16

My daughter turns Sweet 16 this week. It is truly bittersweet.

I crave my baby, toddler and sweet innocent 8 year old back. I want my girl in braces back. I long for the nights we laughed in bed together, reviewed our day and fell asleep beside each other. I miss our hugs and snuggling and when she willingly and genuinely said, "I love you" to me.

However, I am glad that she is finding her own identity. Right now, as I type, she is downstairs watching a movie with a boy. His voice is deep, his shoes are large and he is over 6 feet tall. This is her friend. She primps for one hour per day; it takes 30 minutes to curl her hair, or straighten it. She wants her hair blonder and her nose pierced. She looks so graceful when she dances, her passion. She can drive soon. What? It was only 3 years ago that she was unable to sit in the front seat. She is becoming a woman.

I actually remember being 16. It was wonderful but also HARD.

School pressure. Future. Friends and foes. Boys. Hormones. Sleep. Insatiable hunger. Falling in love. Rules to question. Frontal lobe development. Rationalizing. Messy room. Growing responsibility. Who the hell am I and who do I want to be? Peer persuasion. Family always there.

This is the age when my child needs me the most. She needs my confidence in her, with boundaries set. She needs my support, with leeway for independence. She needs more of my money than her other 16 years; for cell phone bills, clothes, dance lessons, larger menu items when we go out, university savings, new glasses, driving lessons, a car, etc. She needs my shoulder to cry on. She needs me to tell her that I understand. She needs me to keep her on the path. She needs me to express that I love her every day, without condition.

Our children are always our children. They just grow. It is our job to keep their upbringing planter full of nutrients, water and sunshine!

Happy Birthday my darling, Paigey-Waigey! Momma loves you!

First Post

Royal wedding. Royal? Marriage is a sacred institute. All weddings should be royal. Even weddings that take place in the Little White Chapel in Las Vegas should be deemed royal.

The stratification of society gives name to those on the top, royal. But royal to me means that it is a quality suitable for a king or queen. Usually a wedding is given a great deal of thought and care and thus is one of the most royal events in one's life.

Actually for me, I gave more effort in my annulment, to prove the reason my marriage was not royal, or should I say loyal.

Regardless, all weddings are royal! Some are just more public.